


Dawn

by the_realduck



Series: Freezing [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 14:12:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3384662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_realduck/pseuds/the_realduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't know how much more he can take.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dawn

He doesn’t know how much more he can take.

Head in his hands, Dean sat at a rest stop at an ungodly early hour. Minutes ago he’d been fine, but then a song came on the radio that suddenly filled his mind with blue eyes and a low voice, and Dean had to pull over with how quickly the tears had come to his eyes.

It burned through Dean. Those three words uttered by pink lips haunted him, and he had tried to forget, fuck had he tried but he can’t. Endless blue eyes that were never quite the right shade, rough hands where there used to be gentle. It was like pushing on a bruise, the slow ache that seeped through him day after week after month, fuck who knows how long now. But it doesn’t matter, because no matter how he tried, he can’t forget the scorching taste of Cas.

He had tried to erase that name but fuck, he can’t, he _can’t_. Dean still whispered it to himself sometimes, gasped it out when was with someone who looked a little too familiar; he had woken up one too many times with that name on his lips and tears on his skin.

 _Cas, cas, cas, **CASTIEL**_.

Dean leaned his head against the steering wheel and tried to ground himself, but it was impossible to stop the way the memories that he had been shoving down abruptly flooded every sense. He can’t feel this, doesn’t know _how_ to feel this, all Dean knows is that just being in Cas’ presence had felt like waking up after being asleep for his whole life; Dean had first hand knowledge that trying to live without him felt like dying.

Surely he can’t go back now, can’t go back to face him, not after leaving, not after all this time. Dean doesn’t want to think about how Cas must have felt, fuck, it must have hurt so badly to wake up and find him gone and Dean doesn’t know what he is more scared to find, a broken Cas or mended one. Anger sparks hard at the thought of another person being the one to put Castiel back together; it’s the most hypocritical thing in the world, but Dean has no control over it.

Before long, the sky was being painted with shades of pink and gold, and a nearly forgotten moment crept into his conscience. A memory, of watching the sun rise from the window, two bodies tangled up in warm sheets. He recalled the dark haired man had whispered words into the small space between them, fingers tracing the freckles on Dean’s neck.

I love the sunrise. It’s like all of the mistakes from yesterday can be forgiven.

A passing truck shook him from the past, and Dean ran a hand through his hair. He was scared, God,was he fucking scared, but he had to see him one more time; he has to feel those colors on his skin, god he’s so tired of living in this flat grey hell.

Dean reached for the key in the ignition and turned the impala around.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is loved.


End file.
